by Kathy Collins
Listen to this column read aloud in pidgin:
Couple, t’ree weeks ago, I wen’ go online to da MNKO website, fo’ see what I sound like on da Intah-net. But I nevah even get to my column. I went get hooked on da “Makin’ Ovah Maui” t’ing. You gotta check ‘em out! Get dis chick Lia, an’ every week she go find one local business dat stay makin’ positive changes in da community. Had stories you would expeck, like Ka Lima O Maui helping adults wit’ disabilities fo’ da past fifty-five years. But I was surprised fo’ learn about companies like Trilogy Excursions an’ Bubba Gump, doing stuffs on da side like cleanin’ up da reefs and buildin’ houses wit’ Habitat fo’ Humanity.
By da time I pau watch all da stories, I stay all inspired fo’ make ovah somet’in’ too. But what?
Back when da new mayah was da old mayah, I was part a his task force fo’ clean up da ‘aina. “Listen to Tita, no littah!” Dat was six, seven years ago, and da job still yet not pau. Littah control, recyclin’ an’ renewin’, dass all stuffs we gotta do every day, jus’ part a life.
Now, I no mind dat, but I like one make-ovah projeck dat I can make, and den going be ovah. Dass why they call ‘em make-ovahs. I like see da results and feel all accomplish, li’dat.
So I wen’ decide fo’ make ovah my house. Turn out my house jus’ like me—da foundation too old, da fixtures all rusty, and da wiring no always conneck. No mo’ nuff money fo’ make everyt’ing nice. But dass awright, I can make small-kine change, like touch up da paint. On top my house, not me.
I go down da hardware store fo’ get one gallon white paint. I nevah know white come in 21 diff’rent shades. An’ dass jus’ one brand. Da odda brand had 140 more. And not one stay call white. They get names like “Decadent an’ Serenity. Guess which one I wen’ pick.
One week later, I stay in my room, starin’ at da Decadent walls, ready fo’ one nodda make-ovah challenge. An’ dass when I wen’ get my bright idea. In da “Makin’ Ovah Maui” story about Plush Beauty Lounge, where Tiana an’ Danielle wen’ do dis awesome make-ovah on one wahine off da street, took ‘em mo’ long fo’ find one wahine who would let ‘em do da make-ovah than fo’ do da make-ovah itself.
So dat wen’ get me t’inkin’ . . . I wondah if would be dat hard fo’ find one man who would take one free make-ovah? I know, we try dat alla time, we call ‘em “marriage.” But I was t’inkin’, I can help change malihinis into mokes. You know, help da new guys learn how fo’ get along mo’ bettah ovah heah. Give ‘em one crash course in pidgin (No even try talk ‘em!), teach ‘em how fo’ dress (Lose da shoes, brah!), show ‘em Da Walk (which I no can describe on pepa), basic stuffs li’dat.
What you t’ink? Any volunteers fo’ “Moke-ovah Maui”?